Don't for the New Year

Do Not Do These if You Want to Have a Successful 2016

First week is in the books and the second is pretty close.

Are you part of the 20-something percent that has already given up on their new Year's goals? It’s not like you’ve completely given up on your dreams, its just that life has already gotten in the way and you occasionally think that there is no way. Then this leads to the whole, "Why do I even bother making New Years goals anyway."

Your job. Your job, your family, your friends, your finances; all of these problems… I mean, responsibilities seem to hit you from every angle and it makes you afraid of taking the leap of faith needed to add another goal on your plate.

Afraid of what people will think if you quit your job.

Afraid of going bankrupt.

Afraid of falling behind in the rat race.

Afraid of not being able to provide for your family.

Afraid of not living up to the expectations of others.

Afraid of not living up to your own expectations.

Afraid of failing.

No one wants to be irresponsible, and everyone feels afraid sometimes. But does that mean it’s impossible to realize your dreams?

Of course not. The Michael Jordans, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerbergs of the world show us that goals can be reached and dreams can be made to happen.

“But those people are so much more talented, so much more charismatic, so much luckier than me… I could never be like them,” you might be thinking.

It’s true—you might never be like them. Your dream might not be as big or impressive as theirs.

Your goal may be as small as losing 10 pounds or much more grand like starting a new business or owning a house. It’s not the size of your dream that matters. It’s the pursuit of your goals that turns your life into a thrilling adventure, an exhilarating story. That’s what really matters.

This is that time of the year when all of the online gurus tell you what you need to do to make your dreams a realty, that's not me, sorry.

Instead, I’m going to share with you what should stop doing. These are things we all do on occasion—things that quietly sabotage our dreams, sap our energy, and make our goals look more and more unattainable.

 So Don’t do these things:

1.      Say “I wish” or “I hope”: This is basic NLP 101. Whenever you do this, you put yourself in a mindset where the situation is beyond your control, there is some outside force that has a yay or nay say in whether you accomplish your goal or not. What you can do as an alternative is turn your wishes and hopes into goals. For example, don’t say, “I wish my boss would give me flexible working hours.” Instead, set a goal that you’re going to have a conversation with your boss within the next three days about establishing flexible working hours. When you set goals, you choose to focus on what you can do to improve your circumstances, which is very empowering.

2.      Complain: This is a favorite pastime for many people. There are always things to complain about: the weather, the economy, the healthcare system, the guy who sat next to you on the bus and hummed a really annoying song… but when you complain, you’re not making your circumstances any better. Instead of complaining, think about the many things you have to be grateful for. Another NLP technique is to apply discomfort to habits you are trying to break, so try wearing a rubber band around your wrist. Whenever you’re about to complain, snap the rubber band as a reminder not to.

3.      Blame others: In today's society, we see it everywhere; everyone wanting safe zones, everyone offending everyone else, etc. Nothing is ever their fault. If you want to achieve your dreams, you will need to take full responsibility for your life. That means no blaming your parents, friends, relatives, skin color, disability or bad luck for where you are in life. Recognize that some things are beyond your control, but take responsibility for the way every situation turns out. You cannot change the past, but you can change how you react to it.

4.      Think of reasons why you shouldn’t take action: There will always be plenty of them. Think of all the positive things that might happen if you take action today.

5.      Settle: Settling for second best is a sure way to prevent yourself from reaching your dreams. This applies to your relationships, finances, career and physical health. Decide that you’re going to create a masterpiece out of your life. Don’t give in to the allure of a comfortable but mediocre existence. I was once told that good is the stealer of best.

6.      Procrastinate: You can probably think of at least one thing you can do immediately that will bring you closer to your dream. There’s never a perfect time to take action, so do what you can right now.

7.      Hang out with toxic people: A mentor of mine, Jim Rohn, said that you’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. Hang out with negative, critical and judgmental people, and you’ll become just like them in no time. Those aren’t traits you associate with people who make their dreams come true.

8.      Say “I should”: When you say you “should” learn a new language, start writing a book, or go for a public speaking course, it’s unlikely that you’ll actually do it. Say, “I choose to” instead or "I will" if you wan to be more direct with it. This makes you realize that everything in life is a choice. You really do have the power to choose, and to turn your dreams into reality.

9.      Compare yourself to others: There will always be people out there who are better looking, smarter and more capable than you. But you’re not trying to achieve their dreams; you’re trying to achieve yours. Think about the characteristics that make you special and unique, and about how you can use them to accomplish your dream.

10.  Watch so much TV: The same applies for going on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc and can also be applied to reading fiction. If you’re not careful, these can become major time sucks. Most surveys show that the average American watches more than four hours of TV a day. I hope that statistic scares you. Imagine how much closer you could get to achieving your dream if you spent those four hours every day doing something more fruitful. I’m not suggesting that you go cold turkey, but set a daily limit for yourself and use a timer to make sure you stick to that limit.

11.  Say “I don’t have time”: Do you make time to watch your favorite TV show? Do you make time to update your Facebook status? Do you make time to eat? We all make time for the things that are important to us. If you find yourself saying you “don’t have time” to do something you know you ought to; it's all about prioritizing our priorities.

12.  Say “yes” to everyone: Many people find it impossible to say “no” to requests and opportunities, even ones that aren’t in line with their values and goals. If you say “yes” to everyone, you’re effectively settling for good, when what you really want is great. The path of greatness is the path of intentional abandonment of everything good, in pursuit of only the best. Think carefully before agreeing to any request.

13.  Try to be perfect: I’m not perfect, and neither are you. Accept yourself fully—achievements, strengths, weaknesses, failures, flaws and all. You don’t have to be perfect to realize your dreams, but you do need to be committed to personal growth. You can only begin that journey when you accept yourself completely for who you are an where you are right now.

14.  Try to please everyone: This goes along with number 12. Like the great P.T. Barnum is known for (Lincoln had a variation of this before him though), “You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” Your dreams are personal. You’re not pursuing them to garner applause from the people around you or from society. Don’t make the mistake of trying to make everyone happy, because that’s impossible. So don’t even try.

15.  Deprive yourself of sleep: When you don’t feel your best, you’re more likely to make impulsive decisions that aren’t in your long-term interests. If you want to achieve your dreams, you’ll definitely have to make short-term sacrifices for long-term gain. If you’re sleep-deprived, you probably won’t have the willpower to make the right decision.

I haven’t achieved all of my dreams. Far from it, in fact. Before I have accomplished one, I find that I am formulating plans to accomplish new ones.

I do know, however, that pursuing your dreams isn’t easy. Somewhere along the way, you’ll want to quit, all of us do. You’ll want to run away and go back to your comfortable, familiar, boring life, but I beg you not to. The world needs entrepreneurs who are fully alive. Most people are barely surviving, barely making it through each day. Don’t be one of them.

Dream big. Start small. Act now—right now and as always, here's to your success.

 

Organize and Maximize for 2016

“An end-of-the-year checklist to help get things in order for the upcoming year.”

It's the end of the fiscal year for most, but this isn’t the time to rest on your laurels and wait for the New Year clients to come in. By maximizing this time, the beginning of the new year, you can set yourself up to be more productive in the coming months.

Here are some things that you can do that will help you hit the ground running in 2016.

1.       Evaluate the virtual assistants that are in your arsenal.

If you are not aware of what a virtual assistant is, it’s anyone that doesn’t directly work under you, but takes over tasks that you can’t do, don’t want to do, and shouldn’t be doing. These are the administrative duties keeping you from actually doing your business. There are companies that can do your administrative jobs for you. Your virtual team includes tax attorneys, website wizards, marketing firms, PR agencies; the list goes on and on—anyone who takes on parts of your workload, whether part time or full time, in order for you to get focused on the business at hand which is actually working on your business.

2.       Show appreciation to your clients.

Whether you are sending holiday cards, thank-you notes or even having a giveaway, this is a good practice to get going in your business. Showing appreciation tells the clients that they are not just a dollar sign.

3.       Finalize all of your “C” priorities.

Your “C” priorities are those things that aren’t very pressing, but still need to be done at some point; why not now? The unanswered e-mails, follow up calls, un-filed or misfiled information.  After reading an email, if it is something that is worth keeping, have a folder system set up to transfer it to, do not simply leave it floating in your inbox. By setting up email folders, you keep yourself more organized. If it is something that is of no importance, delete it immediately, clutter causes chaos.

4.       Maximize your website.

Hopefully you are utilizing a service for keeping your website current, but even if you are, go though it anyway and determine if any changes need to be made. By keeping up on it yourself, you keep your techs on their toes and have less site errors. Make sure that your website is not just an online brochure for your business, but is actually gaining clients.

5.       Create or review your email campaigns and contact lists.

If you are not utilizing contact lists and keeping in touch with your client base through e-zine or newsletters, you are leaving a large sum of money on the table. It’s all about effective marketing and effective marketing is all about the relationships. Eluding back to number one, people want to feel remembered and appreciated.

6.       Upgrade, update and clean up that computer.

If your system is bogged down, obsolete or just full of junk that makes finding documents difficult, you need to fix it now. End of the year sales makes for some great deals on new systems, new programs, etc. Your computer generally holds most of your important information, so make sure to take care of it. Upgrade the OS if necessary, make sure that all programs, apps, and system updates are all up-to-date. Get rid of unnecessary files, archive old files to an external hard drive, add more memory and Ram if possible, and defragment your harddrive. This will help keep your computer from crashing.

7.       Clean, clean, clean.

When was the last time you tackled your filing cabinet?  When was the last time you saw the top of your desk? It is now a good time to organize and clean the workspace. Trust me, when you decllutter, you will find that it relieves stress and helps you focus when you are in a clean, clutter free environment. Knowing where everything is will also maximize your time. Spending 15 minutes looking for a lost file is a waste of 15 minutes that you could have gotten one or two new clients, you could have used that time to draw up a new product, you could have even used that time to make some of those return calls and emails that have been piling up. Dusting will help your health also, just saying.

8.       Where did you drop the ball?

Very simple exercise that has the potential of being extremely powerful. Get rid of any distractions, set down with a pen and paper. Now think about and write down the top 10 to 15 things that didn’t go to well for you this past year. Then, before you have time to get depressed, go over each and write down what could have been done to change that situation for the better. By doing this, you are addressing the problem and creating a solution, so the next time a similar situation occurs, you jump right into the solution and, therefore create a better outcome.

9.       Where did you score?

Now, on another piece of paper, write down the top 10 to 15 things that went right for you in the past year. Get as detailed as you can about it. Don’t be embarrassed to show a little pride in yourself. Concentrate on each one and try to come up with a way to do it better. There is always room for improvement. For these accomplishments, did you reward yourself? Very important that you reward yourself for jobs well done.

10.   Set your goals

Decide what you want to do in this upcoming year and write them down, start figuring out how to accomplish them. Goals are like a road map; they get you focused on where you need to go. If you have already set goals, re-evaluate them. Sometimes goals change as our circumstances change. Keep your goals updated and fresh on your mind.

 

Now relax, make a cup of hot chocolate, kick back and enjoy the rest of the holiday season knowing that you are ready for 2016.

 

Assertiveness Q and A

First, if you missed this series, go back and check out the other posts on this topic and the Q and A will be more pertinent to you. Just click here for the first of the series.

Here are just a few Q and A discussions on the topic of assertiveness. Again, there is no quick fix, one side fits all ability to go from being used and abused to being assertive without being pushy and obnoxious, but hopefully you see the importance of being more assertive in order to be successful and keep moving forward.

 

Q: What if I do become more assertive and I use what I have learned in my relationships, in my office work, or with friends; I even learned to say “no”. What if people get angry with me?

 

A: People who are truly your friends are not going to get mad at you. Real friends want you to learn and grow as a person. They will probably be happy for you now that you have learned to stop being a doormat. True friends want the best for you; in fact, they may have been secretly worried about you being such a pushover.

 

As for your spouse, if your partner truly loves you and wants the best for you, he/she will rejoice that you are learning to be more assertive and growing as a person. Your spouse’s own life will be enriched by your experience. You will be more self-confident and happy, thereby making both of your lives better.

 

If you apply these skills to your job, your boss and co-workers will have more respect for you. At work, it can mean getting a promotion, being assigned new and interesting challenges, or maybe even a raise. When your boss sees your capability to take control, handle crises, remain calm, and maintain poise, he will begin to see you in a completely new light.

 

Standing up for yourself makes a huge difference in the way people look at you and in how they treat you, especially at the office. It may be true that you cannot please everyone with your newly acquired skill. The ones who will not like the new you are probably the ones who used to push you around and took advantage of you at every turn. Do not worry; they will get over it.

 

Stop depriving yourself of the respect due to you. Be assertive and earn other people’s respect. Be in control of your life and feel more self-confident.

 

Your life will never be the same again.

 

Q: If others do get angry with me, how do I handle it? What if I fall apart?

 

A: If you use these new skills appropriately, things will change, situations will improve and yes, you will earn the ire of some people. As previously pointed out, those who will get angry are probably the ones who used to mistreat you.

 

However, you are improving your own life and protecting your rights. They are upset because they can no longer push you around, infringe on your personal rights, and pass on to you the jobs they do not wish to do.

 

That is why they are angry. Bear in mind that you are not responsible for their feelings. They will have to deal with their feelings. It is now their problem, not yours.

 

Q: Are my friends going to get mad when I start telling them “no” all the time?

 

A: They would be more upset to know that you have been saying “yes” to everyone, when you really mean to say “no”. Agreeing to things that you really do not want to do will make you feel resentful towards that person.

 

You hate feeling that way towards friends, right? It is almost as if you have been lying to them.

 

Being assertive and saying “no” is a more honest approach, don’t you think? Or would you rather risk destroying their love and respect just because you cannot say “no”?

 

Q: What about saying “no” at work; won’t that get me in trouble?

 

A: By agreeing to everything that everyone wants you to do at work, you will find that you simply cannot keep up with all the work. There are just so many hours in a day. If you say “yes” to everything, you are cheating yourself and the others who are depending on you to finish what you said you would do.

 

Doing shoddy work is not going to impress anyone. By taking on too much, you would not have the time to do a good job on everything. By limiting the number of jobs you accept, you are actually doing everyone a favor. If you keep the workload down, you can do a great job on your assignments. This is what will impress people. It is better to cut the workload and finish everything well, than to take on too much and finish nothing.

 

Q: What if someone asks me to do something I know I can easily accomplish and yet, I say “no”; will he think that I’m selfish or self-centered?

 

A: Just because you can do something does not mean you have to do it. You can refuse even legitimate requests assertively. Sometimes, you have to put your own needs ahead of others. You cannot please everyone all the time and you do not have to. Bitterness will grow if you let the guilt get to you and make you a ‘yes’ person all the time.

 

Q: If I’m assertive about what I know and what I can do, won’t that make me sound egocentric? Shouldn’t I be more modest?

 

A: Being assertive and let people know you are clever and skilled is not being immodest or egocentric. Sometimes you have to toot your own horn, so to speak, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you do not do it, who will?

Sometimes being modest is not a good thing. It makes you sound like you cannot say anything positive about yourself. It also indicates that you cannot give or receive compliments.

 

Q: If I toot my own horn, as you say, won’t people expect me to be great 100% of the time? What if I screw up?

 

A: Without being assertive and letting others know of your skills and accomplishments, you will miss out many opportunities. Since no one is perfect, you will make mistakes occasionally. Own up to them and learn from them, then move on.

 

Even if you mess up once in a while, you will be respected far more for giving it your best shot than by not trying at all. As Wayne Gretzky, the hockey player said, “You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

 

Q: I’m a woman and I’m not sure it’s considered feminine to be assertive all the time. Men can get away with it, but not women. Will men in my office hate me if I try to be assertive in the workplace?

 

A: It is unfortunate that assertive women often have more trouble at work than their male counterparts. However, that should not stop any woman from standing up for herself in the workplace. If you possess the skills necessary for the job and have the experience and the drive, you can assert yourself and get what you want.

 

A woman in a management position may find herself walking in a fine line. She must be assertive in order to do her job, but may be thought of as pushy or unfeminine when she does. Oddly enough, studies done on this topic showed that the criticism came mostly from other women, not the men in the workplace.

 

Someone once said that we should learn to live without the good opinions of others. If your career is important to you, you will have to learn to be assertive and be selective about considering other people’s opinions.

 

As I said in the first part of this series, assertiveness starts with being aware.

If you have read my blog for very long, you know that I am not doing this to get rich off of my readers, I want to help others succeed and do it without having to hit all of the bumps in the road that I have, so when I offer something, it is not very often and it is to help. Like with this offer; a big part of assertiveness is being able to find your voice and speak up. Click Here! for an awesome book on speaking. It is a great one to own, but if not, try to find it in your local library.

What’s Stopping You?

I meant to get this out on the first, but life happened unfortunately and wasn't able to get it up in time, so I apologize and will work to keep these coming every Wednesday and Saturday. However, if you sign up for the RSS feed, you won't miss a post. Here we go.

What’s Stopping You From Becoming Assertive?

 

In order to succeed in business and in life, basically anything that is worth while, you can’t let people walk all over you. It is impossible for you to answer the door of opportunity if you are the doormat.

 

“Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are!” - Shakti Gawain

 

That being said, there is a huge difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Being assertive is a way of living where you get the most out of life without other people telling you how to do it; in short, you do not need to be obnoxious, pushy, or rude to have it your own way.

 

You cannot just jump in with both feet and decide, “Hey, today I’m going to be assertive and no one will be pushing me around anymore. No more Mr. Nice Guy!”

 

Learning an assertive mindset.

 

Remember, you want to learn to be assertive, not aggressive. So ask yourself these questions:

 

1. What do I value most?

2. What are my beliefs about how life works?

3. How do I feel about myself?

4. What are my approaches to life? Do these approaches work?

 

The simple fact that you are reading this post actually says a lot about you; it says you are looking for improvements in life, a change. Well, change begins with awareness. You are aware that you need to change; the problem is, most of us just have a problem with where to start, we just don’t know how to get going in the right direction. That first step is always the hardest.

 

It is time to learn why you do what you are doing and how to turn that around. Remember, you cannot just flip a switch and instantly become assertive and successful in life.

 

Mark Twain said, “We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.” In order to learn how to become assertive and be in charge of your own life, you must be honest with yourself. Like Dr. Phil says all of the time on his t.v. program as well as his books, “you cannot change what you do not acknowledge.” It is time to figure out what you are hiding from yourself.

 

·        Do you consistently fail when it comes to attaining your goals in life?

·        Are you just drifting along with no plan, goals, and idea?

·        Are you stuck in a comfort zone that gives you no new challenges?

·        Are you getting too little of what you really want and way too much of what you do not want?

·        Are you living with guilt or frustration and do not know how to change things?

·        What is at stake here is the quality of your life. Do you want to live it fully and authentically? Or are you okay with someone else calling the shots and making decisions for you for the rest of your life?

·        Do you feel like you are constantly being pushed around? Do you feel like you are being taken advantage of?

·        Do other people try to run your life? Do you feel that you are ready to start living life in your own terms?

 

You don’t need to bow your head and just accept burdens like those listed above. You can assert yourself and reach for something better. You have the right and the ability to have what you want out of life. Let me warn you though, change does not come in an instant.

 

Assertiveness is something that must be learned carefully one step at a time. This is especially true if you have spent years just following others who tell you what to do, how to do it, what to think, what to feel, etc. How motivated are you to change and learn to assert yourself?

 

Think about those people who run our world. Whether it is business, politics, sports, or entertainment, there is one common denominator for all these people. These people know which buttons to push to get what they want. Some of these people are extremely intelligent and articulate, while others are merely manipulative.

 

Some are unconcerned whether you agree with them and share their views. Others are rabid in demanding that you fall in line with them. They feel that they know best and this gives them the authority to tell everyone what they should be doing and saying. It is their way or the highway.

 

Be aware that there are risks involved in learning how to be assertive. You will find that many will not agree with you. In fact, you will meet people who are skeptical and pessimistic. They will always argue and try to prove you wrong.

 

Let us continue with your assessment in life by acknowledging what is wrong in your life. Are you guilty of saying these things to yourself?

 

· I’m really trying but you know, it’s just so hard!

· I guess it could have been much worse.

· It’s not what I wanted , but what am I going to do?

· Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

· We’re doing okay, I guess.

Are you making lots of excuses, like:

· It was harder than I expected, I just couldn’t do it.

· Maybe I was expecting too much.

· I have too much going on in my life to handle any of this right now.

· I’ll tackle that as soon as I have the time and resources.

· I guess what I wanted isn’t meant for me.

· Maybe it’s not in the cards. It’s not my destiny.

· I never seem to get the right break.

 

It is time to stop whining about bad luck, wrong timing, or how things just never seem to work out for you! Stop hosting pity parties! Realize that the deck is not stacked against you! Stop making excuses! It is time to learn to assert yourself and get what you really, really want!

 

Okay, let us get down to basics. What exactly are you afraid of? That is easy. People share a universal fear of rejection. The very thought of being rejected can turn the strongest man or woman into a quivering coward.

 

What does everyone crave for in life? This one is also easy. We all crave for acceptance. We feel lost if we are not accepted. We feel left out, excluded, and ostracized. Acceptance is everything.

 

We learn about acceptance from infancy. Children will go to any lengths; even do things they dislike just to gain the acceptance of their parents, friends, or teachers. It continues throughout our lives as we grow.

 

So accepted or not and rejected or not, you have your own destiny to create. You can make it happy or sad, good or bad, successful or not. Your life is your own and ultimately, you are responsible for how it turns out. There may be road bumps along the way and not everything will turn out according to your plan.

 

You may have to adjust your road map and come up with a Plan B or even a Plan C. In the end, learning how to be assertive will help you win and get what you want.

 

Without assertiveness, you will lose control of your life and find yourself living someone else’s idea of what life should be. If you shy away from being accountable and taking charge of your own life, someone will step forward to claim responsibility for it. This could be a parent, spouse, or in the case of an elderly person, maybe one of their own children. If you never master the ability to assert yourself, make your own decisions, and live your own life, someone will surely step forward and do it for you. Is that what you want?

 

Asserting yourself and taking full responsibility is scary and risky for anyone. “What if I assert myself and try to create my own destiny and it doesn’t work out? Then, what will I do?”

 

It is normal to be a little fearful because it is part of human nature. Keep in mind that all decisions have consequences. As you learn to be assertive, you also learn to trust your self when making decisions.

 

Your thoughts influence your world. “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” said William Shakespeare. To think is to create. Your thoughts create your reality. Your thoughts influence your actions and behavior.

 

A change in your thoughts leads to a change in behavior and eventually in your world. What do you tell yourself? Do these negative statements sound familiar?

 

· I’m just not smart enough.

· I’ve never succeeded before, why would now be any different?

· People refuse to listen to women like me.

· People make up their minds and there’s nothing I can do about it.

· I’m too young or too old.

 

Start by choosing to learn how to be more assertive starting today. With this, you will need a well thought out plan. There will be days when you wonder if you can sustain and follow through your plan. Wouldn’t it be easier to just throw in the towel and be done with it?

 

If you find yourself in this position, remind yourself of the benefits you will enjoy when you become assertive. Keeping the benefits in mind will help in sustaining your new and assertive behavior.

 

So again, I ask the question, what is keeping you from being more assertive? What keeps you from making your own decisions? Are you afraid you won’t be any good at it? Are you secretly afraid that you will be so good at it that your entire life will change? St. Paul said, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”

 

Assertiveness is a learned behavior. Probably, it was not taught to you as you were growing up. Unknowingly, you developed certain behavioral patterns that do not support assertiveness. You fall into a trap where you constantly wonder why your life is not what you wanted.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same things in the same way, but expecting different outcomes. If you have never done so before, learning to assert yourself produces a change in how you handle yourself.

 

 

Unfortunately, some of the behavioral patterns that you learned in life become automatic. You do not even think about your response anymore. You do not allow yourself to evaluate the cause and effect of this behavior; you are just flying on autopilot. It may seem easier to let go and not think about the consequences. In the end, you will realize that certain behavior patterns will not continue to work for you.

 

‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always gotten.” By remaining static and not changing the pattern of behavior, you repeat the old patterns repeatedly. It is important to stop, think, and re-evaluate whether a learned behavior is really working for you or has become another crutch to keep you in homeostasis.

 

There is a reason why you keep getting stuck and unable to move forward. When you continue to repeat a bad pattern repeatedly, you are doing it for a reason. You must find the reason in order to change the behavior. Change the behavior in order to change your life for the better.

 

Some people seem to be at the mercy of others and not in charge of their own lives; they let others push them around and tell them what to do. The sad part is that they have allowed this to happen for several years. Some of these folks may never find their own way, while others may just snap one day and tell everyone off. This kind of abrupt change leaves everyone puzzled and leads to destroyed relationships and damaged friendships.

 

When you decide to be assertive, you must also realize that this learned behavior must be reinforced every day. Assertiveness is not a cure-all for all your ill feelings. It is a way of managing your life.

 

Choosing to make your own decisions does not require you to damage another person. Being assertive does not give you the permission to push another aside, take over another’s life, or make decisions for them.

 

Assertiveness is about you. It is all about your decisions and the consequences. Remember, you get what you give. How you treat others relates to Karma, which simply states that everything that goes around comes around.

 

Let us correct a misconception here. Assertiveness is all about getting what you want AND building lasting relationship with people around you.

 

Assertiveness works fine when used with diplomacy. You can assert yourself without hurting others’ feelings. In fact, the real essence of assertiveness is this: As you get what you want in life, you gain the support of people who would like to see you succeed.

 

If you read the meme in the picture, that is only half of it; if you act like a sheep, the wolf will eat you, but to be successful, you can't be the wolf either or others will either run from you or try to put you beneath them (alpha syndrome), so I would suggest to work toward being the sheep dog. Be the protector of the sheep to guard against the wolves of the world; assertive, knowing your place, yet only aggressive when it is called for.

Keep an eye out for the next addition to this series on assertiveness where I will go into some tips for being assertive around the home…a good place to start.

6 Bad Habits That Can Stifle Your Success

 

Too often, our habits control us and determine whether we succeed or not. It is imperative that we change out our bad habits for good disciplines. To do this, however, we must first identify those habits that are limiting our success.

 

False Limitations

 

Ask a writer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves words. Ask a designer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves visuals. Ask a blogger for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves a blog.

 

We’re all a product of our experience. But the limitations we have are self-imposed. They are false limits. Only when you force yourself to look past what you know and feel comfortable with can you come up with the breakthrough ideas you’re looking for.

 

Be open to anything. Step outside your comfort zone. Consider how those in unrelated areas do what they do. What seems impossible today may seem surprisingly doable tomorrow.

 

If you recognize some of these problems in yourself, don’t fret. In fact, rejoice! Knowing what’s holding you back is the first step toward breaking down the barriers of creativity.

 

Lack of confidence

 

A certain level of uncertainly accompanies every creative act. A small measure of self-doubt is healthy.

 

However, you must have confidence in your abilities in order to create and carry out effective solutions to problems.

 

Much of this comes from experience, but confidence also comes from familiarity with how creativity works.

 

When you understand that ideas often seem crazy at first, that failure is just a learning experience, and that nothing is impossible, you are on your way to becoming more confident and more creative.

 

Instead of dividing the world into the possible and impossible, divide it into what you’ve tried and what you haven’t tried. There are a million pathways to success.

 

Information Overwhelm

 

It’s called “analysis paralysis,” the condition of spending so much time thinking about a problem and cramming your brain with so much information that you lose the ability to act.

 

It’s been said that information is to the brain what food is to the body. True enough. But just as you can overeat, you can also over think.

 

Every successful person I’ve ever met has the ability to know when to stop collecting information and start taking action. Many subscribe to the “ready – fire – aim” philosophy of business success, knowing that acting on a good plan today is better than waiting for a perfect plan tomorrow.

 

Fear of failure

 

Most people remember baseball legend Babe Ruth as one of the great hitters of all time, with a career record of 714 home runs.

 

However, he was also a master of the strike out. That’s because he always swung for home runs, not singles or doubles. Ruth either succeeded big or failed spectacularly.

 

No one wants to make mistakes or fail. But if you try too hard to avoid failure, you’ll also avoid success.

 

It has been said that to increase your success rate, you should aim to make more mistakes. In other words, take more chances and you’ll succeed more often.

 

Those few really great ideas you come up with will more than compensate for all the dumb mistakes you make.

 

Two Lines of Thought at Once

 

Like driving a car in first gear and reverse at the same time, it just can’t be done.

Likewise, you shouldn’t try to use different types of thinking at the same time. Just like in the transmission in your car going two directions at once, you’ll strip your mental transmission as well.

 

Creating means generating new ideas, visualizing, looking ahead, considering the possibilities.

 

Evaluating means analyzing and judging, picking apart ideas and sorting them into piles of good and bad, useful and useless.

 

These two types of thinking work together, but not at the same time without causing some issues; one will lock up the other.

 

Most people evaluate too soon and too often, and therefore create less. In order to create more and better ideas, you must separate creation from evaluation, coming up with lots of ideas first, and then judging the worth of each later.

 

Keep your ideas written down somewhere and visit them often. There are times when an idea will give birth to new ideas and even if you end up evaluating an idea as not working for you at that time doesn’t mean that it won’t work later.

 

Other People

 

Even if you have a wide-open mind and the ability to see what’s possible, most people around you will not. They will tell you in various, and often, subtle ways to conform, be sensible, and not rock the boat.

 

It’s like going crabbing on an Alaskan Sea Crab boat. They dump the crabs in a small box hold area that the crabs could get out of, but they don’t because just as soon as one starts to get up, others pull it back down.

 

The same holds true for people. There are those out there who find it easier to pull others down than to work on succeeding themselves.

 

Ignore them. The path to every victory is paved with predictions of failure. And once you have a big win under your belt, all the naysayers will shut their noise and see you for what you are — a creative force to be reckoned with.

 

Success is yours to grab, you just have to want it bad enough to overcome the limiting bad habits that keep you from getting it.