Just Say NO

Answer this question honestly; is it difficult for you to say “no”?

If your answer is yes, don’t feel bad because you’re not alone.

There are many people who find themselves saying "yes" to things they don't really want to agree to but are afraid that they will appear selfish, mean or rude if they don’t say yes, or in an effort to avoid conflict or hurting another person’s feelings, they will say yes in order to defer conflict.

Saying “no” isn’t always easy, but it IS vital in business and personal life to be able to say no when the time comes.

Healthy people have healthy boundaries, and part of having healthy boundaries is to be able to say no to requests, situations or people that you can’t or don’t want to accommodate. Think of “no” as the hinge on the gate that controls who you allow in your boundary lines.

I was raised in an abusive environment where I spent many months at my grandmother’s house where I slept on a couch in the living room and my “dresser” was an old banana box next to my grandmother’s bed. If I ever had money, my grandmother, my uncle, my mother would all take it if they felt they needed it and never even asked, so I grew up with a low sense of self and had no concept of personal space or boundaries.

Though it has taken me many years to learn the art of saying no in order to stay sane, I still have issues with it at times, so don’t beat yourself up if you continue to have issues with it, just keep working on it and know that you will be a better person for it. Others will have more respect for you, you will have more respect for yourself and you won’t find yourself in as many negative situations.

Here are a few techniques/phrases that I have found work for me and hopefully they work for you as well.

#1: Unfortunately, I have a full plate right now…

If you find yourself way too busy to accommodate the person’s request, let them know you’re slammed and that you simply have no time to fit what they’re asking you to do into your schedule.

Many people have issue with this because they have a tendency to justify their time. Just because you have the time doesn’t mean that you have the time to dedicate your full attention. It is better to decline and give more attention to the items already on your plate rather than take on another workload and not be able to give any of them the attention required.

#2: I’ll have to think-about-it

If you’re not sure if you can fit the person’s request in, or if you’re dealing with someone who is super pushy, consider buying yourself a little time to think about what they’re asking of you and to get back to them at a later date on your own terms and not get bullied into something.

 #3: The ol’ boomerang no

Are you in the middle of something else? You can always ask the person to come back later when you have more time to consider their request.

 #4: Give a counter offer

If you can’t or don’t want to agree to the person’s request for whatever reason, but you’d still really like to help them out, consider making a counter offer for a lesser commitment that will work better for you.

One of my soft spots where the homeless that would beg for money. Though there are some out there that are honestly in need of assistance, there are others looking for tax-free cash to supplement their income or fund their addictions.

For those who give a line about needing money for food, I let them know that I don’t have any cash, but would not mind swinging by McDonalds and picking up something for them. If they are truly in need of food, they generally take me up on the offer, but if they immediately shoot me down, it is pretty obvious, the money isn’t going for food.

 #5: Just say No

Sometimes you must be direct and let the person know that what they’re asking of you just doesn’t work for you, and you’ll be surprised how often people will respect a firm, honest and direct no.

And remember that they are coming to you and imposing their wants on you. If you are not wanting to help them out, it is courtesy to give them a reason, but not mandatory. They do not own your time, so a simple no is fine if you do not want to give them a reason.

As you practice declining requests that don’t align with your schedule, values or needs, you’ll find that saying no becomes easier and you’ll have more time for yourself, the commitments you already have and the things that are most important to you.