Why Home Business: The Untold Benefits

More people are jumping on the home business bandwagon in recent years. What are the benefits of doing home business besides being convenient and cost saving?

What I hope to accomplish with this mini series on home based business, is to get those readers who may be on the fence about starting a business off the fence.

 

1. Personal freedom

Working at home requires no dress code, no rigid work schedules and no company cultures. Instead, you can work and earn money at your own pace, at the comfort of your home. This allows you to gain control of your personal life while not losing a source of income – the best of both worlds! It is necessary however for a home business owner to be self-disciplined and motivated to maintain the momentum at work.

2. Experience enrichment

Home business owners need to play many roles at once, from being the CEO, the financial planner, the researcher, the marketing manager and the sales manager. This is especially true for those solo owners who have to learn how to do everything on their own. While this also means greater workload, you get to see the whole picture of your home business and make better plans to achieve your goals.

3. Increased competitiveness

As the overhead cost of a home business is low, you can now offer quality products or services at a lower cost, making your products and services more competitive in the market. In addition, small home business is more able to provide clients with personalized services that cater to their specific needs compared to large commercialized businesses.

4. Lower risk

Home business frequently requires low capital to start up and is also cheaper to maintain. This protects the home business owners from their life-time savings should the business idea fails. It also allows business owners to test out new business ideas before deciding to invest large amount of money in it.

5. Reduced stress

Being able to work from home allows you to plan for both your work and your family. This is especially true for parents of school-age children as they do not need to juggle between work and taking care of their children.

Now for the action plan. Email me at 12th.pillar.solutions@gmail.com and tell me what is your biggest fear or concern about starting your own business or leave it in the comment section below. 

For your input, I will send you a free guide on stating a home based business.

Here's to your success.

How's your year so far?

Occasionally, I go off script and instead of giving success advice, I just open up and shoot from the hip. This is one of those times.

It's almost April, so I ask, how's the new year go for you so far; how about those resolutions?

According to the University of Scanton's Journal of Clinical Psychology, only 8% of people are successful in achieving their resolutions.

That just absolutely floored me and got me to thinking about how I was stacking up as it came to my new year's goals.

As March 2016 is wrapping up, I recently spent a lot of time just reflecting on where I came from in just 4 short years. We can't successfully get to where we want to be if we don't understand where we have been.

Here is just a few highlights of my personal journey...

I very clearly remember being part of the 92% of people who failed to meet their resolutions, not just that year, but for many years.

For years I knew that I couldn't create a better life for my daughter by working a dead end job that kept me bound by someone else's schedule, so I tried everything to get out of the rat race; I built an engraving business, got into e-commerce, even tried my hand at authorship, but nothing worked and I kept finding myself in a position where I was having to go back to a 9 to 5 or be a stay at home dad where we barely lived paycheck to payccheck. Nothing seemed to click.

 

• I was a slave to the job, a slave to the clock, a slave to my creditors.

• I had no time to do the things I enjoyed.

• I had no energy to enjoy time with my family.

• No extra money, so no savings, no vacation, no splurging, no emergency fund.

To make matter worse, I couldn't get on facebook without seeing, what seemed to be everyone around me, being more successful than I was. It sucked. Friends taking off in the middle of the week to travel across country, new cars, new house, blah blah blah...

It seemed like everyone around me was successful while I had to listen to my daughter (4 years old at the time) crying because I couldn't afford a happy meal for her.

I kept asking myself,

"Why is this so hard?"

I definitely had a bruised ego, but I still had this dream that I could make a little extra money while spending more time with my family and not chained to a desk or getting stuck in traffic.

I started thinking that the only way to make money online was to sell stuff on eBay or turning into some sort of sleazy MLM type marketer (not that all MLM ventures are pyramid schemes). It was heart breaking because I did not want to do that.

Being able to help people and actually get paid for it was unfathomable to me and, though I saw it done, I felt that you had to be an expert with over 20 years expertise and the title of guru to be able to be successful online.

I was wrong!

Way wrong. Looking back on it, I was always just a few steps away from my dream, I just didn't see it or understand what it was that I was missing.

My goal for the past decade or so, was to figure out how to get out of the rat race. Breaking the golden handcuffs once and for all.

I finally found the secret to having a successful life; After years of trial and error, Zig Ziglar has been giving the answer for years; "You'll get everything in life that you want if you help enough people get what they want."

This is the reason for this blog series. My goal, now that I am out of the rat race, is to show as many people as I can how to do the same.

Now it's your turn

What is your resolution? How can I help you climb out of the maze? Not everyone has the same definition of success, nor do we all have the same hurdles to jump over, so what do you need help with?

Drop me a note and let me know.

 

Keeping it Fresh and Flexible

As with any plan, your plan for work/life balance must be kept fresh and flexible. Be sure you allow for contingencies and guard against backsliding.

Old habits die-hard and you may find yourself in need of a refresher to stay on track.

Look at your plan often and keep talking about it with your friends and family and co-workers. The more you reinforce its important to yourself and others, the less chance you will fall back into your old ways.

Remember that nothing ever goes just as planned, so be ready for the unexpected and don’t let it get you down.

If your plan did not include a contingency for a particular event, just sit down and look over the plan again and make room for some new ideas to address the problem you face.

Don’t be discouraged if you hit a snag.

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               ~ Fr. Alfred D'Souza

Remember that it will take awhile for the world to catch up to you and while many companies and people may not understand the need for balance, the fact that you do, may save your life and your relationships.

If those around you fail to recognize the importance of your efforts and scoff at your taking a lower paying job or choosing to stay home with a sick child, remain secure in the knowledge that you are running a marathon, not a sprint and that in the end, you will finish the race well!

You may be breaking new ground. You may be a role model. And, that position is not always easy. Pioneers have hard work to do, but they ARE the first to see the beauty of the new horizon.

So, stick to your plan! You will get better at this as your old habits die. Remember to exercise self-discipline and have the courage of your convictions.

Remember to pay attention to the important things and keep things in perspective.

Don’t spin your wheels or expend too much energy on the things you can’t change or the things you don’t feel are important.

 

Just because someone else tells you it is important, doesn’t mean you have to believe them.

Keep the plan and the perspective fresh and if one thing doesn’t work, try another. It is your commitment to the change that is important.

And if you find another way to get there, that is just fine!

It may not turn out exactly as you expected, but your focus on the goal of balance is the important thing! Without that focus, you can’t change anything!

Don’t be afraid to get advice from others you trust if you get stuck on the path. You don’t have to do this alone.

“Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars”

                                                                                                                                                      ~ Henry Van Dyke

We’ve covered a lot of ground in a very short period of time, and you may want to review this information again to make sure you’ve got it all.

The concepts are simple, and although you may find yourself wondering if all of them relate to work/life balance, you will find answers as you implement the steps we’ve outlined here.

Each of these steps is designed to address a different part of the problem.

Having enough time and focus to appreciate your life outside of work is one thing.

Having the mental, emotional and physical stamina to do it all is another.

Understanding how to keep your life in balance, and what the factors involved in a long-term commitment, is also important.

If you can’t manage your time, you will never have enough of it, no matter how few hours you work in a week.

Taking a step back to look at how you got to where you are and what issues you’ll need to resolve to backtrack – that’s important too.

Think of this as a primer, of sorts. Of course, the particulars are yours to figure out and your specific issues are different than the issues your neighbor will face, but there are many common factors.

As we said at the beginning of this discussion, you’ll need a plan. So, let’s review some of the key components.

You can adjust and tweak your plan along the way, as you need to make changes, but getting the plan in place is the first and most critical step.

            �� Sit down with a pencil and paper and gather your thoughts and expectations.

            �� Talk to your family, your boss, your co-workers and your friends and get their thoughts.

            �� Then set your goals!

            �� Make the plan and move forward.

            �� Adjust the plan along the way if you need to do so and be realistic about what you can accomplish and how long it will take.

            �� Keep the lines of communication open and keep people informed about your goals and your progress and about what is important to you.

            �� Learn to manage your time better so you can leverage the free time you have to use it as you wish.

            �� Schedule and keep commitments with your family and friends.

            �� Find ways to improve your productivity and learn to transition from work to home and back again so that you are truly ‘present’ in every situation and not spinning your wheels thinking about other things.

            �� Don’t get distracted!

            �� Exercise self-discipline and stay committed. Pay attention and listen to others and do it right the first time so you don’t have to do it over again!

            �� Learn to handle and diffuse stress and eliminate it from your life wherever you can.

            �� Be optimistic and positive.

            �� Understand that work/life balance is key to your health and happiness and it can actually make you more productive at work and give you a better quality of time with your family and friends.

 

And, so we come to the end of our journey!

Now, it’s your turn to get the plan on paper.

You can do this!

Take control of your life and live it to the fullest.

Keep your priorities straight!

Remember! You don’t live to work – you work to live!

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well”

                                                                                                                                                                                         ~ Diane Ackerman

 

Dealing with Stress

I have posted on stress before, but I cannot stress (pardon the pun) enough that stress is a killer.

Perhaps the most pervasive and difficult problem to solve in life balancing is that of stress. Whether you are at work or at home, there is likely some stress in your life, and that stress can interfere with your enjoyment of your career and your social life.

Stress is what we experience when we must adjust to the constant and conflicting demands of our lives. If you like your job and work long hours, if you are very competitive and always trying to win, you may experience a more positive form of stress.

But for most of us, when we experience unremitting stress, and we don’t know how to handle it, it makes us angry, frustrated, irritable, depressed and fatigued. We may get headaches or develop an ulcer, or perhaps we suffer from insomnia. Unless we can learn to eliminate or mitigate stress, we will function poorly on the job, at home and with friends.

Recognize that stress is real and that it can affect your health, your happiness and your relationships. There are lots of ways to defeat stress, and you’ll need to find the right one for yourself.

Here are some links that will get you started:

www.mindtools.com/smpage.html

www.psychwww.com/mtsite/smpage.html

www.hyperstress.com/

www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/familydevelopment/DE7269.html

There are any number of other sites that focus on stress, many of them sponsored by universities and containing some great information and ideas about specific types of stress and stressful events.

Depending on where most of your stress is, you may want to focus in a different area.

If your boss is a major stressor in your life, if there is abuse or a hostile environment at work, you have a different problem than the stress that comes from caring for an ailing parent, spouse or child or the stress that comes from financial troubles.

But, regardless of the cause of your stress, the effects are the same. Extreme stress can be short-lived, as in stress after the death of a loved one, or it can be long-term.

You may ask how and why stress figures into your work/life balance goals.

It is very simple. Whether you are trying to balance your time or simply improve the quality of your life, it is important to acknowledge stress and to understand that there IS something called positive stress, and something called negative stress.

Positive stress is the stress you feel when you are planning your daughter’s wedding or when you are about to make an important presentation.

You may be happy about the event and looking forward to the occasion, but that doesn’t mean there is no stress.

That kind of stress is not harmful and can be quite invigorating. But, negative stress IS harmful, especially if it occurs over a long period of time.

Consider on-the-job stress, or stress in a relationship because of poor communication or the absence of focused time spent with a loved one – all of these things can damage your health and the quality of your life.

So, start by identifying the stressors in your life, and looking for the places you feel most stressed.

Then address the source of the stress, if you can. Because, the best way to approach stress is head-on. Later, we’ll talk about how you can relieve and mitigate stress if you are in a situation where you cannot eliminate it altogether.

But first, let’s look at how and when you can take charge and what you can change.

As we said earlier, you have to start by identifying the stressor(s) and taking stock of your reactions to this stress.

Notice the emotional and physical responses you have to stress. Do your muscles tense? Do you get headaches? Do you get nauseous or have stomach pain? Do you get nervous and irritable? Don’t pretend it isn’t an issue. Be objective about your reactions.

Next, figure out what you can change and how you can relieve or eliminate the stress.

Can you take those tasks or situations that cause you the most stress and schedule or spread them out so that you can tackle them when you are prepared and rested, rather than taking them on in a whirlwind with other things going on at the same time?

Can you shorten the time you are exposed to the stress? If your boss is a great stressor in your life, don’t schedule a one-hour meeting with her if you can avoid it. Instead, try stopping by her office to talk briefly, or if you must schedule time, schedule it during times of the day when you are less likely to feel harried.

And keep the meetings short and to the point. Stay on track and don’t get off on tangents that may make the situation more stressful.

If you have times of day or situations where you are under a lot of stress, try to take a break. Walk outside for a few minutes or go to get coffee. Break the pattern and then come back refreshed to finish the task.

If you focus on making changes to avoid the stress – for example, extending timetables to make a project more feasible, or setting more realistic goals – you will hit the problem at its root cause instead of trying to run and catch up all the time.

Try to analyze and alter your reaction to stress. Much of the damage done by stress is not done by the event itself, but instead by your body’s reaction to the event.

Your body and mind perceive danger and react accordingly and everything becomes exaggerated. The danger seems more threatening, the task more daunting, and the outcome more dismal.

Reason with yourself and ask “what is the worse that can happen?” Are you overreacting to the stressor and making your fear and emotional response worse?

Is everything as critical and time-sensitive as you think or are you just overly sensitive to pleasing everyone, all at the same time?

Don’t obsess over the negative factors and predict failure. Stick to the positive and, even if there are issues, focus on the things that worked well and note them.

THEN revisit the places that didn’t work so well, with a more objective eye toward improving the process, and try not to place or take blame. Just be sure to learn from your experience and the next time it will go better.

And remember, everyone makes mistakes!

Whatever you do, don’t go into a project or situation by predicting doom. You will never succeed that way and in the process, you will endure the stress of trying to consider every ‘what if’ and failure in the book.

Learn how to mitigate stress by diffusing it when it happens. When your heart starts to race and your palms get sweaty, take a two-minute time out and try some deep, slow breathing. It will reduce your heart rate and bring your mind back into focus.

Consciously relax the muscles in your shoulders and neck, the muscles around your jaw and in your scalp. Unclench your hands and close your eyes. Just for a moment.

You’ll be glad you took the break and so will your body!

Take care of yourself. Exercise three or four times a week. Cardio-vascular workouts like aerobics, rapid walking or running are great to relieve stress and strengthen your heart and lungs.

Don’t eat fast food. Try to eat a well-balanced diet and avoid stress responses like smoking and drinking. Take frequent breaks. Remember you can still think through problems and get things accomplished while you take a quick walk or go for a glass of water.

You don’t have to be at your desk to get things done!

Maintain supportive friendships and relationships and don’t let them die on the vine. It is this replenishment that will keep you going. Set your own goals and don’t let others force you into situations you don’t like.

You will always have some stress and frustration, but if you know yourself and if you build your reserves to meet these challenges, you will lead a much more balanced life and work stressors will not creep over into your personal life.

What if you’ve done all the right things and you still suffer the effects of stress? What if that stress is not something you can easily change?

Remember, we said that you could always change your reaction to the stress.

But, sometimes, just knowing you have to calm down doesn’t help much.

We mentioned exercise as a way to mitigate stress, but there are a lot of other structured approaches to mental and physical relaxation, from meditation and yoga to biofeedback, and all of these are beneficial.

Pick the one that works for you.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Deep Breathing – Learning to breathe, deep into your abdomen and to slow your body down sounds easy, but it takes a bit of practice.

However, you can do it anywhere. On a bus, train or plane and once you’ve learned it you will wonder how you ever got along without it.

Because the increased oxygenation of your blood brings more clarity to your brain, you will double the benefit by being able to solve problems better, as well!

Biofeedback is a method of relaxation that helps you to control your responses to and change how your body and mind react. Your brain ‘learns’ how to adjust as you use monitoring equipment to track your heart rate, muscle tension, blood pressure, and skin temperature.

Guided Imagery, sounds fu fu I know, but it works. This technique uses affirmations and relaxing images to calm and focus your mind and body, and control your breathing so you are more relaxed.

It is easy to learn and the more you practice the better and faster your brain will response to the cues, putting you into a state of relaxation more quickly every time.

Meditation has become one of the most popular techniques to achieve relaxation. It is not tied to any religious belief, and can be learned alone through self-study or in groups. Meditation changes your brain waves, and alters the response to stress in your mind, your emotions, and your body.

You can start and end your day with a brief meditation, and eventually, you may find it so helpful that you will employ this technique wherever you are, and whenever you feel stress.

Focused Muscle Relaxation teaches the student to tighten and relax groups of muscles in turn until the entire body is in a state of relaxation. It is easy to learn and can be mastered quickly and effectively with good results.

Yoga is an ancient form of exercise that is based on the connection between the muscles and organs in the body, breathing techniques and the combined effects on the mind. The goal of yogic practice is to restore balance to the body and your emotions through postures, stretching and breathing exercises.

Other forms of exercise, like cardio-vascular workouts, running and walking will increase the release of certain ‘good’ chemicals in your brain, thereby relieving stress, frustration and anger and helping you to sleep.

If you suffer from stress-related insomnia, you should consider trying one or more of the solutions we’ve outlined here. It will help you get the sleep you need to function well, and to keep you healthy and balanced.

And in all of this, use music. Neuro Linguistic Programming shows that eventually it will become a trained response that every time you play the music, it will start to relax you as if you were already doing the above activities.

 

For more stress release help Click Here!

Tipping the Scales

“There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time”

~ Coco Chanel

If you can’t afford to make major changes in your career or your life to get the balance you need and want, there are some other ways to decompress and capitalize on the time you DO have for yourself and your family.

If you institute some simple changes, you will FEEL like you have more time for yourself and the time you have will be more rewarding.

In a moment, we will talk about the affects of stress on your body, your mind and your life and family.

So, hold that thought!

First, we should talk about making the available time ‘better’. Many people that have studied and mastered work/life balance are busier than ever!

But they know how to transition between work and social life so that they don’t waste time in limbo, trying to shake off the worries of the day and, in the process, ignoring the time they DO have with family members and friends.

Basically, it’s all in the approach!

Don’t let life run over you!

Get control. Know what you have to do and get it done. Then, when it is time to transition from home to work or from work to home, you will be ready for the transition.

To accomplish this, you’ll want to think of your ‘work time’ and your ‘personal time’ as existing in two different worlds.

Each of these ‘worlds’ requires different skills and a different focus, but they are both important.

You can use some of the ideas here to create a ‘transition’ ritual for yourself – one that gets you out of one world and ready for another.

To go from home to work, you can try these things:

Get things ready the night before. Don’t wait until the chaos of the morning to pack lunches and iron clothes.

Sign homework and pack your briefcase or car for work the night before, so you don’t forget anything.

The less rattled you are going into the day, the less unbalanced you will feel throughout the day.

Set your alarm and get up on time so you don’t have to rush. Always allow enough time for that last minute emergency, if you have kids. They have a way of foiling the best-laid plans.

You can try getting up before everyone else does if you think this might work for you.

That will give you a little quiet time to get things done in peace before the rest of the house starts to stir and you are less likely to forget things in the rush.

Some people use this extra quiet time to have a cup of coffee and write out their list for the day. Whatever works for you is fine!

Be sure you don’t run short on time to get to work. If you have young children, you have to be creative here. A ‘goodbye’ routine is a good idea.

One that is fun and easy for the kids to get into will make the drop-off at daycare a lot easier and you will be out the door in no time.

These routines take a few tries to get right, so be patient with yourself and your children.

Perhaps you can make a game of the tasks to be performed on the way out the door by using the familiar ‘Simon Says’. “Simon says get your lunch out of the refrigerator”.

Others use an imagination game to make the morning go smoothly. When you get to the drop-off point, ask your child to tell you what they will do today and make it fun and outrageous. “What are you going to do today, while I am at work?” “I’m going to climb the castle wall and rescue the beautiful princess. But first I have to kill the dragon that guards her”.

As soon as they understand the game, your kids will take it from there!

Focus on what fun things they might do that day, things they will learn and how anxious you will be to hear about what they did when you see them in the evening. And avoid the wrenching goodbyes and feelings of loss.

Have a plan for what you will do if your child is sick or if you wake up to a foot of snow and you can’t miss work.

Use your trip to work – by train, car or bus – to read a book you enjoy, make a list of action items for the day, have a cup of your favorite coffee or listen to your favorite CD or meditation tape.

You’ll need that sense of Zen and organization to get ready for the day, and you’ll greet the problems of the day with calm, and focused approach.

“The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender”

 ~ Vince Lombardi

At the end of the day, don’t forget to transition back to your ‘social’ world. Switch out of the work mindset and use your time in the car, train or bus to reprogram yourself.

Consciously leave behind the work worries, make a short list of items to remember for the next day if you need to do so – and then let it go.

Listen to your CDs or read your book and focus on your family and friends. Think about what you will do when you get home and about the things you will share with your family and what they might want to tell you.

Some people close the office door and meditate for a few minutes before they leave or they use the very act of closing the door to ‘close the door on the day’ as they say.

Whatever works for you is fine!

One woman completes the transition by fixing her make-up, changing her shoes and spraying a fresh scent of perfume in the bathroom on the way out of the office. Now, she’s ready for the evening!

An advertising executive changes his clothes to casual clothing and puts on a clown nose for the drive home to get him in a silly mood. He gets a lot of stares by passing drivers, but he loves it.

You may have noticed that firefighters, and police officers never leave the station house in their uniform at the end of their shift.

There are many reasons for that transition but the psychological transition of taking off the ‘work clothes’ and putting on the street clothes is, nonetheless, a psychological transition that works for nurses, doctors, and firefighters alike.

For anyone that wears a uniform, a suit or other clothing that they don’t wear at home, the transition is something they don’t have to explain.

The mother that wears a business suit and high heels, is a different person to her children when she changes back into her jeans and t-shirt at home.

Make much of the homecoming, too!

Give hugs and kisses to all and announce your arrival. This will help you to transition and it will give your family the boost they need in seeing you at the end of the day.

And, don’t discount laughter as a means of transition from work to home. If you like to listen to stand-up comedians, or talk to a funny friend on the train on the way home, do so. Laughter has a very positive affect on your brain and on your outlook on life.

But, remember that coming home is not always a bed of roses.

Your spouse, children or parents may have had a hard day and they will save their troubles to tell you, their trusted confidante. After a long and hard day at work, the last thing you may feel like doing is to listen to troubles.

It helps to take a breather.

Go change, take a shower and relax for a few moments before you tackle the discussion about bills and health problems.

You can anticipate these discussions by calling home before you leave work to check in. Take the pulse of how things are going at home and find out who is having a bad day.

If you have to pick up your kids on the way home, and you are trapped in the car with a bundle of upset nervous energy, let them blow off steam and tell you their trials of the day for a few minutes.

Then turn on some music they like, settle in and agree that when you get home, everyone will take a deep breath and relax.

Reinforce that HOME is a soothing place! A place they can go to be with those that care about them and to get away from the problems of the day.

If YOU have a really tough day, tell your family that and ask for a few minutes to compose yourself before you join in the fray.

Be sure that they know that they have done nothing wrong and that you are just taking the time for yourself because of the day you had at work.

As you practice some of these techniques, you are bound to come up with your own ideas and rituals and you should try them and make liberal use of those that work for you, in order to help yourself with this transition.

Communication is Key

“Life is the continuous adjustment of internal relations to external relations”

~ Herbert Spencer

We talked a bit about communication in a previous blog post when we discussed family issues, but here the topic is broader.

In general, communication will help you balance life and work by establishing clear boundaries and expectations with others.

This list includes your manager, your friends, your family and your co-workers.

First and foremost, don’t assume that others know what is going on. Even if your secretary has a copy of your calendar on her computer, she may not have looked at it today.

Spend a few minutes with your assistants, staff or others in the morning to be sure everyone is on the same page.

Make sure everyone knows your schedule for the day, when you will in the office and available and when you might be away at meetings.

If you are leaving for a business trip, be sure you leave critical contact information so you don’t have to fix problems after you return to the office.

If you are an employee and you are expected to perform a certain task, ask questions to be sure you know what has to be done, if there are preferred methods to accomplish the task and when these tasks need to be completed.

Don’t leave things to chance.

If you do, your boss may grab you on your way out at the end of your shift and tell you that you have to stay and finish something.

Communicate!

Exchange information with others and find out how they do things. You may learn a better or faster way to get things done and you can get out the door with fewer hours under your belt.

At home, be sure that everyone knows the schedule, when they need to be home for family events and what is expected of them.

If everyone pitches in and understands their role, no one person will be stuck working at chores or doing homework, instead of having some fun family time together.

With friends, be clear about when you are free and be sure your friends understand that they have a place in your life and are important to you.

Make dates and let them know if these dates are subject to change because of late work hours.

Try to plan events when you don’t have anything really pressing at work, so you won’t be distracted.

You’ll find that you get more enjoyment out of your time with friends.

If you have elder care issues, make sure you communicate often with your family and get any doctor’s appointment or engagement on your calendar if you are expected to transport or help your parent or ailing uncle.

Be sure that everyone understands what is important to you – your values, priorities and the things you are willing to put aside because of more critical issues.

This will help your staff, family and friends to accommodate and change appointments if they see a conflict.

And never forget that communication is a two-way street. Be sure YOU understand the priorities of your boss, your friends, your co-workers, your wife, your mother and your children.

If you understand how others think and feel you can offer to pitch in and help as needed and this is a favor they will gladly repay the next time YOU need help.

Keep lists and information handy to offer if you have to leave work or home quickly and others need to know what has to be done.

Keep copies of your schedule and itineraries handy when you travel, and always let others know where to reach you and when you will be back.

In meetings, use flip charts to capture thoughts and record agreements and team contracts so you don’t waste time trying to figure out what the team decided later on.

If you are in an office job that requires reporting, communicate through email and written reports to be sure everyone knows the schedule, the action items and who is responsible for what tasks.

This will save you time and trouble later.

Whether you are in a meeting at work, talking to a co-worker in a retail store or discussing the family vacation with a family member, practice ‘active listening’. Don’t tune out!

Communication isn’t just talking.

Most of what you’ll learn and use to get things done comes from listening to what others are telling you.

Test for understanding to be sure you actually heard what you thought you heard and interpreted it correctly.

If you possess these skills, you have a significant advantage in personal relationships.

No matter how little time your family has together each day, if you are really talking to each other and listening to each other, you are a world ahead of your neighbors in maintaining balance in your life and in your relationships.

Think about it for just a moment!

Balance is achieved with the focus and attention you place on a particular thing or person.

If a person feels valued and important, if they feel they have your full attention when you are with them, you are well on your way!

How is Your Social Life?

“Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum”

~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

We are on the subject of your personal life in this short series, so let’s talk about your friends. Everyone has them and everyone needs them. Friends are a necessary social extension and they provide an outlet, a group of like-minded people who share values, though perhaps not always every opinion.

Time out with friends, whether they are old high school buddies or friends you’ve made at work, is important.

A movie, a cup of coffee, an occasional dinner, perhaps even sharing an activity you both like, such as bowling, golf, baseball, slot machines, a book club, or going to the movies, the theater or the ballet.

All of the techniques we discussed for your family life can also be applied to your friends.

Above all, keep in touch. Schedule events and get-togethers with a realistic eye to what you can achieve.

Many people work long hours, have demanding jobs and still manage to participate in monthly groups, or scheduled activities. And, this is a welcome relief from their grueling work schedule.

Put the appointments on your calendar just as you would any business meeting, and be dutiful about keeping the appointment even if it seems a guilty pleasure during that critical crunch season at work.

If you must cancel, communicate clearly with your friend(s) and let them know why you have to reschedule.

DO reschedule.

Don’t leave it to chance or you will never get together.

When you go out with friends, even if they are co-workers, use your newly learned skills in self-discipline to keep you out of the realm of work discussion.

Don’t talk shop, or you will not get away from the stress you tried to leave behind at the office. It is a hard habit to break, and it may take some time and focus to learn the new habit.

You can make it fun by agreeing that the person who breaks the ‘don’t talk shop’ code first will have to buy a round of drinks or coffee, or has to pay for dinner.

You’d be amazed at how quickly your co-workers will learn the lesson!

If you have a friend, or a group of old college chums with whom you love to socialize, try to pick a monthly or weekly date – the second Tuesday of every month, for example – and get together then.

Everyone will look forward to these occasions and you won’t feel so deprived of social contact.

During times of high stress and long hours, take the time to go out for a walk or get a cup of coffee or have lunch with someone outside the office.

Get away from the people you see in the halls every day and get a breath of fresh air.

You’ll feel much better.

Don’t give up the activities and friends you love. Exercise and socialization are key to balancing your life and even though you may feel they can be postponed until a time when your career is not on high speed, your health will benefit from the short breaks and scheduled visits you insist on taking.

We’ll talk more about stress and exercise later, and how these figure into life balance. Right now, let’s focus on your friends.

If your friends have fallen by the wayside with the advent of your most recent and most hectic job, you need to get some more friends fast.

Man does not live by work alone!

And though your family is very important to you, your friends serve a different purpose.

They are often more honest with you than your family can be and they will forgive and forget without the same intimate emotional attachment of a spouse, a mother or a brother.

You can count on them to make you laugh and to share your successes and failures. They are part of your psychological armor and a necessary part of your life’s balance.

If you need to reconnect with friendship, you can often find someone with whom you share common values at work, or in an industry association or club.

Or you may find a friend that shares a passion for a sport or an activity while attending a sporting event or on line at the movie theater.

Seek out friends actively and don’t be afraid to invite your new friend for a drink or coffee. There is no harm done if the friendship does not blossom.

Friends make you more interesting and expand your horizons.

And, they keep you from becoming a boring, ‘all work and no play’ kind of person.

Again, you have to be disciplined, have a plan and pay attention, to take advantage of these opportunities.

“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow”

~ Don Herold

Setting Expectations

Up until now, we have only touched on expectations, but they are perhaps the most important part of your balancing plan. Expectations come into play in several ways.

First, there are YOUR expectations.

What is it that you expect to get from a more balanced life? More free time? A closer relationship with your spouse? The time to pursue an advanced degree?

Maybe, you want to learn to ride a horse? Any or all of these things are fine goals, but your expectation to achieve balance must take into consideration that some of these goals will take MORE time away from your family.

So, the first thing you have to do is to get it straight in your own mind. What is ‘balance’ for you?

Is it more time for yourself? More time for your family? Don’t make a promise to get more work/life balance and then squander that balance with poor planning.

What do you expect to achieve? How will this balance change your life?

Are you expectations realistic for the planned timeframe and actions you want to take or are you dreams too large?

Once you have your own expectations under control, you’ll need to look to your employer and your family and friends to be sure that you understand and can meet their expectations.

It is all well and good that you expect to regain some balance in your life but if your employer still thinks you should work eighty hours per week, you aren’t likely to get far.

Put it on paper. Then talk to the people most important to you and those whose support is crucial – like your boss – to find out what THEY expect. Then compare notes and figure out if everything is aligned.

If it isn’t, you’ll have to adjust the plan. Once you get the plan right, you can move forward more quickly and with more success.

Setting Goals

“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you” ~ Carl Sandburg ~

Now, let’s talk about Goals. Like any other important life decision, you have to have goals or you are shooting in the dark.

To set Goals for your work/life balance, you have to take your expectations and translate them into the ‘what’ of what you want to achieve and the ‘when’. Be as specific as possible.

For example, if you are going to look for a new, less demanding job, your goals might include the industry you want to work in, the type of job you want to get and how much money you want to make, as well as when you want to get the job.

Here are some examples to get you started:

“My goal is to get a job with one of the Top Ten banks in the U.S., as a Bank Manager, by May of 2006”

“Reduce the number of hours I work by 10 hours per week in time for John’s 2006 Little League Season”

“Visit my mother every Sunday for at least three hours”

“Train 2-3 people on my staff to take over the bookkeeping process by January of next year”

“Schedule and keep a weekly date with Mary for dinner and a movie”

Simple, right?

Remember, the best way to set goals is to word them simply but specifically!

That way you can measure your success without trying to guess whether you succeeded.

The next task at hand is to figure out HOW to achieve your goals.

Remember that your expectations and goals must be realistic or you will never get to where you want to be!

 

Now it is time to figure out just how realistic your expectations and goals are, because you have to establish a plan to achieve those goals!

Let’s take the first example and see what we can do with that one.

“My goal is to get a job with one of the Top Ten banks in the U.S., as a Bank Manager, by May of 2006”

To establish a workable plan for this goal you would need to consider the following questions.

            􀂾 What are the top 10 banks in the U.S.?

            􀂾 How do you find out what jobs are available at each bank?

            􀂾 Are you qualified for the Bank Manager jobs in these banks?

            􀂾 Will these job openings require you to move your family to another location?

            􀂾 Are there job placement agencies you can use to find these jobs and arrange for interviews?

            􀂾 Do you have an up-to-date resume?

            􀂾 Do you have the appropriate wardrobe for this job?

            􀂾 Do you have good references?

            􀂾 Do your family and/or spouse support this decision?

            􀂾 Is it realistic to expect that you can research, find and get this job by May, 2006?

 

You can probably think of more questions you’ll have to answer!

But, this list will give you some idea of the considerations involved in just one goal.

For every goal you set, you will have to think about how reasonable the goal is, how achievable it is and exactly how you plan to accomplish it in the timeframe you have set for yourself.

When it comes to the goals of your family and friends, the emotional attachment and desire to do the right thing may make it hard to think clearly and to accurately plan for how and when these things will happen.

Be honest with yourself and with each other and by all means include your support network in the plan.

Ask your family to come up with ideas about how you can accomplish these things. Brainstorm and leave the door open for crazy ideas.

You’d be surprised at what you might uncover in this way.

Then sit down and pick through the plan and decide which ideas will work and which must be discarded.

As you start to execute your plan, be sure you review it occasionally to ensure that you are still on target and decide if you have to change anything.

Life happens!

And, you may have to change some of your timetables and tasks to incorporate the unexpected changes in your life.

For example, you may plan to take a job that pays less and gives you more time at home to help care for an aging parent.

But, if that parent requires some sort of catastrophic care or expensive medical treatment, you may have to keep the higher paying job to earn the money you need.

If so, are there community support services and low-cost, high-quality caregivers that can come in an work a few hours every day so you can continue to work the longer hours at work to pay for the care?

If not, do you have family members or friends that can pitch in for a little while until you figure out what to do next?

Does the parent have a home that can be sold to help pay for the extra healthcare costs?

Remember, there is always more than one way to solve a problem. Don’t panic and don’t give up on your work/life balance goals.

Just find another way to accomplish them and be realistic about whether you can achieve them in the same time period.

Perhaps you need to extend your timetable a bit to accommodate the new developments in your life.

That doesn’t mean you won’t get there.

Just knowing you have a contingency plan will keep you afloat and moving forward.

Remember! PLAN is not just another four-letter word!